Missing You Willow's story
by sunlit5
Summary: Willow's feelings over the summer of 2002


Missing You   
Perspectives 

Summer 2002 

Spoilers: season 6  
Willow POV COC: Willow, Giles, and a make up- Miss Sweeny  
Disclaimer: Ownership et al- Joss Whedon & Co.  
Site: http://sunlit.portkey.org  
Feedback- yes please. Email NOSPAMsunlitnickel@excite.com   
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Rated: PG 13. Yep my fanfic is kid friendly, yea me! Well so far it is, if it changes I'll let you know; but geez it's rated so don't write me about it. Ok?  
Wanna post it somewhere? Ask first. Thanks.  


Author: sunlit 

  
Bored now? OK onto the fanfic... and if you didn't get the tip... it's 

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Willow's Story   
Setting- Summer 2002, England 

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She wakes each morning with one of two thoughts on her mind- "I miss her." or; "I'm a murderess." It matters not which thought she starts her day with, she wakes crying. 

She rises from her bed and slowly walks to the bathroom to prepare for the day. At least now she's removed the towel from over the mirror. Giles says that is a good thing. She's able to face herself. She dresses, pulls her hair back into a severe ponytail and heads through the cold hallway to the stone stairs that lead down to the dining room. 

A few of the masters are there. Women and men that Giles felt could help Willow channel her powers into something productive. Their foremost concern was to help her learn restraint. She now knew that if not reined in, her anger could destroy. She never wanted that to happen again. 

She has been in England for two months and has made much progress, but still cannot understand why she simply wasn't 'extinguished' or some other nice English word for killed. 

After breakfast she goes to the stables where she meets Giles. It seems odd to her that he always wants to meet outdoors, rather than in the library. At first she thought that he didn't trust her with the ancient tomes ensconced within. She presumed he thought that putting her in a roomful of books, filled with the oldest of magicks; good and evil, would be too much temptation for her to resist. She soon learned that was not the case, as Miss Sweeny- her primary teacher and caretaker, told her that she was welcome to visit the library any time she liked. Willow now assumed that Giles was simply weary of dusty libraries, especially since they could have their sessions amid the lush English countryside.

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She was busy arguing with him about death- again. Not Tara's or even Warren's, no, she was arguing about her own death, or rather for it. 

"It's not fair, Giles! It should be me gone, in the ground." She tears some grass out of the ground from where they are seated. "Dead." 

Giles tries to comfort her by saying that she is alive for a reason. 

"Yes, to suffer." says, Willow. 

"No," Giles argues, "perhaps to make amends." 

Willow shakes her head back and forth, "How can I possibly make amends?" 

"To the dead or the living?" asks Giles. 

Willow doesn't answer. 

Giles waits patiently. 

She finally responds. "I don't care what they think." 

Giles glances at her, "Oh really?" 

Willow rises, mounts her horse and rides back to the house.

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"Tell me again how it's fair that Tara- who never hurt anyone is dead and I'm this evil, rampage girl who tried to destroy the world and I'm alive. Explain that to me Miss Sweeny, because I sure don't get it." 

Willow and Miss Sweeny were sitting in the garden on wrought iron chairs that looked to be about fifty years old. 

Miss Sweeny, whose first name was Agatha, but no one called her that, has her long black hair rolled into a bun. She pats it to make sure it is secure then answers her charge. 

"You had been abusing your power for months; it was gaining control over your life. When Tara passed on- right in front of your eyes, dying in your arms, it was extremely traumatic for you. The magic took over. You were in pain and wanted revenge. With the dark magicks running through you, I'm surprised it wasn't worse." 

"Oh yeah, because it wasn't bad enough." Willow sarcastically remarks. 

"No dear." Miss Sweeny counters. "What I mean is that you could have been so far gone that the pure magick taken from Mr. Giles and the total acceptance from your friend Xander would have had no effect on you. We are all very fortunate that you were able to feel love." 

"I loved Tara so much. What am I going to do without her? She would be so ashamed of me." 

Giles enters the garden carrying a tray of tea. Having overheard Willow's last remark he responds by saying, "Piffle." 

"Good afternoon, Mr. Giles." says Miss Sweeny. "Tea time already?" 

"Forget the tea." says Willow. "What do you mean by piffle?" 

Giles answers. "Tara was extremely good hearted and loved you deeply. There is no way she would be ashamed of you. I believe she would be quite proud of you and all of the progress you have made."

Miss Sweeny agrees. "From everything I've ever heard about Tara, I have to say I agree with Mr. Giles." 

Willow concedes, and then announces she's not very hungry and excuses herself. 

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Miss Sweeny and Giles discuss Willow's rehabilitation for a while. He tells her that she's doing remarkably well at controlling her magick. She's not using it for every little thing like she had been before. They both agree that's a good thing. She tells him that Willow's doing very well in dealing with her problems. 

"She's not blocking them out anymore. We have even discussed the flaying of Warren. She was quite open and honest about it." 

"Wonderful." says Giles. "When she's with me she pleads her case in favor of her own death, but at least I don't fear for her safety anymore." 

Miss Sweeny agrees. "I don't get that suicidal vibe from her anymore either." 

Giles smiles. "If I had said vibe you would have laughed. How is it that you can pull it off?"

Miss Sweeny smiles and sips her tea.

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Later that evening, after Willow missed dinner, Miss Sweeny takes a tray up to her. Willow is sitting on the bed looking at a photo of her friends. 

"I've brought you something to eat." 

Willow smiles and tells her that she's not hungry. 

"Willow, you should eat." Miss Sweeny places the tray on Willow's bedside table. Noticing the picture, Miss Sweeny says, "Ahh, the infamous Scooby gang." Willow nods in the affirmative. 

"If they are your friends, your true friends, they will forgive you." 

Willow tosses the photo aside and says, "I don't care." 

Miss Sweeny smiles a sad smile, lays a creamy white hand over Willow's hand and says, "I know dear, but you will. There will come a day when you care about a lot of things, even yourself." 

"Yeah right." says Willow. 

Miss Sweeny pats Willow's hand, tells her to drink her tea and then leaves. 

Willow looks at the picture of her friends again. A tear drops on it. 

"I don't care." 

"I don't." 

Miss Sweeny knocks on the library door. "I took her a tray." 

"Thank you." said Giles. He then asked about Willow. Miss Sweeny explains about the picture. 

Giles smiles, "That's good." 

Confused, Miss Sweeny repeats, "Good?" 

Giles answers, "Why yes. She cares. This is very good." 

"Oh yes, I see. This is very good indeed." Miss Sweeny responds. 

Giles sips his tea and thinks to himself, "She misses them." 

~FIN~ 


End file.
